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kays, since my dad knows about this journal, i have decided to move.
i mean, do you want your parents to know about your journal? NOO.
so I am moving to another one. i'll email to the few of you who knows this blog anyways. =)
April 20th, 2008
April 19th, 2008
bah, seriously, i can no longer be bothered with people now. there is only so much i can do. ultimately, my life is in its most complete stage. at least i am not fake. i stand up for my rights. i work hard for what i want. i gotta say that i have high levels of integrity and personal responsibility. nobody can say nothing bout that. i have absolute confidence in those. (and i am an absolute night person. i never liked mornings.)
*shrug*
society's what society is. a bunch of tight-wooled sheep. that's why a bunch of people break away and do things unimaginable like extreme sports and illegal racing. they are thrilling. they might not be the safest activities to indulge in. but they are doing what they want to do. they do not hold back.
i do not want to hold back anymore. i don't want my life to be dictated by others.
*
Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight
Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
But we'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive
*
We'll scream out at the top of our lungs. And they'll think it's just cause we're young. And we feel so alive. :)
*
All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find....
They don't mean a thing tonight.
*shrug*
society's what society is. a bunch of tight-wooled sheep. that's why a bunch of people break away and do things unimaginable like extreme sports and illegal racing. they are thrilling. they might not be the safest activities to indulge in. but they are doing what they want to do. they do not hold back.
i do not want to hold back anymore. i don't want my life to be dictated by others.
*
Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight
Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
But we'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive
*
We'll scream out at the top of our lungs. And they'll think it's just cause we're young. And we feel so alive. :)
*
All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find....
They don't mean a thing tonight.
April 18th, 2008
my parents know where i'm moonlighting now on fridays and saturdays. :D another secret busted. i don't have to pretend that i'm going out anymore. i always like it when they find out certain things about me, either through my journal, which they have been snooping or little pieces of paper where i write my schedule.
and you know what, i always tell others that i don't trust my family. and that is true. no family would take away your privacy with so little respect for you. and that fucking hypocritical too. they say, "don't assume that we don't know what you have been doing." indeed. it took you a year to realise that i have taken up smoking.
it will take you forever to realise that i am not happy being here.
and some relative caught me smoking at tampines mrt station. told my dad about it. i dunno who the heck that person is, but well fucking done for being a huge douchebag and lol, this is 2008 - smoking is the worst thing you can ever do? bwahaha. it has to be my auntie - who i don't really give a shit about because she was a mean bitch to my grandmother when she was alive. i don't really care. her son is 20 and he smokes - he started smoking at 16 even. why no big hoo ha?
I want to capture your heart instead of seducing you. I want to read more books than body language. I want to sell more wines than fucking sodas. I wanna keep moving, not sitting, not standing still. I want to keep doing more of anything - and still be the person I am, and I am happy with the way I am.
*
6 American guys were here for holidays and we met in the MRT station. They talked to me about stuff. We laughed, we joked about stuff. One of them captured my attention. He looked so sweet. I wish I could tell him that. Perhaps I was too shy. But if it is meant to be, we will meet again. People are very friendly when they are. I can't figure out why a lot of us are not as friendly as we should be. Maybe we're just more conservative. Hell, who knows?
*
There was a 120pax reservation at Esmi and I worked there for a day. 2.30pm till 11.30pm. Had so much fun, just working, moving, moving about. At the end of the day, I had a little chat with A which was very meaningful and I'm glad I had a manager like him, even though he pushes me to my limit sometimes. But he's good at what he's doing and I respect that. I value every advice he gives me, and whichever things he think I can do better. I'm just 19 years and 2 months. I know I'm still very young and I should be proud of where I am right now. But I have so much room to grow - and I want to, I want to be so much better.
*
YAY. Tomorrow I get to wear my dress, and then glam it up at baroque. :D I'm gonna try A's suggestion and see if I am successful or not. I really aim to be a totally changed person (well, more knowledgeable, more convincing, more awesome) in my line of working. I aim to be one of the best staff that A and Jeff could ever wish for.
I want to be valuable. For now. Until I finally get myself a real job after graduation. A already told me that he'd be so pleased to take me for my attachment. He said he'd be very much interested to mentor me. It's gonna be for 6 months and come on, he's paying me $1,500 a month - instead of $500 that other companies will pay you for attachment training. It'd be so stupid of me to not take it up.
And I am uber excited to see how it's like to work as a full-timer in a f&b industry. :]
*
Hell, I am just feeling generally excited because I know, I know that tomorrow I am gonna rock it :) I'm gonna have so much fun just entertaining the crowd :D So I am basically a very happy girl. Life's very much beautiful now.
*
6 American guys were here for holidays and we met in the MRT station. They talked to me about stuff. We laughed, we joked about stuff. One of them captured my attention. He looked so sweet. I wish I could tell him that. Perhaps I was too shy. But if it is meant to be, we will meet again. People are very friendly when they are. I can't figure out why a lot of us are not as friendly as we should be. Maybe we're just more conservative. Hell, who knows?
*
There was a 120pax reservation at Esmi and I worked there for a day. 2.30pm till 11.30pm. Had so much fun, just working, moving, moving about. At the end of the day, I had a little chat with A which was very meaningful and I'm glad I had a manager like him, even though he pushes me to my limit sometimes. But he's good at what he's doing and I respect that. I value every advice he gives me, and whichever things he think I can do better. I'm just 19 years and 2 months. I know I'm still very young and I should be proud of where I am right now. But I have so much room to grow - and I want to, I want to be so much better.
*
YAY. Tomorrow I get to wear my dress, and then glam it up at baroque. :D I'm gonna try A's suggestion and see if I am successful or not. I really aim to be a totally changed person (well, more knowledgeable, more convincing, more awesome) in my line of working. I aim to be one of the best staff that A and Jeff could ever wish for.
I want to be valuable. For now. Until I finally get myself a real job after graduation. A already told me that he'd be so pleased to take me for my attachment. He said he'd be very much interested to mentor me. It's gonna be for 6 months and come on, he's paying me $1,500 a month - instead of $500 that other companies will pay you for attachment training. It'd be so stupid of me to not take it up.
And I am uber excited to see how it's like to work as a full-timer in a f&b industry. :]
*
Hell, I am just feeling generally excited because I know, I know that tomorrow I am gonna rock it :) I'm gonna have so much fun just entertaining the crowd :D So I am basically a very happy girl. Life's very much beautiful now.
April 16th, 2008
what nana told me months back was right. you cannot decide what happens to you sometimes. nevertheless, i am not letting go of the control i have over my life. that will be a catastrophe. i am easily wounded. when it comes to matters of the heart, i am sure that one day i will crumble down because of love.
what am i planning to do about it?
i just refuse to fall in love anymore. not now. i'm fine with dating around. it doesn't make me a player - it makes me a wiser person because then i wouldn't have to deal with 1) commitment 2) delusional thoughts 3) extreme euphoria, leading to the greatest depression 4) not getting what i want a.k.a. compromising 5) the dark side of love.
*
i have been sleeping very well lately. sleep at 2-3am, wake up at 11am. Good job, self. i used to wake up around 3-4pm during the school holidays. now, if only i can sleep earlier - say 1am, and wake up around 9am, my life would be more normal. i could accomplish more things in a day. it's just 1pm now! amazing. i'm gonna read The Powerbook by jeanette winterson (awesome writer - such an inspiration) from 1.30pm till 2.30pm, and then I'm gonna clean up my room a little.
Gonna get out of the house at 4pm, shop around raffles city mall and relax first before starting work.
*
and yeah, well, i stopped smoking for quite some time. i'm back at it. but oh god, i wish i could have more than this determination to kill the habit, but it feels sooooooooo good. you can't kill something that makes you feel so... good. okay, it kills my lungs - whatever - but there's a reason why there are many smokers around. because it is just pleasurable. one way or another, we need to have an escape.
if i could have more sex than cigarettes, maybe i would stop smoking for once. helmi is not a smoker, but he gets laid like gazillion of times lol. some people just have all the fun hahaha.
*
I NEED LUNCH.
kays, i bought cigarettes.
i lose. i lose the fight. cigarettes are too damn pleasurable. but my drinks intake has been under control.
really, i should get those nicotine patch.
*
anyways, it was a girls' night just now. nana, doreen, rini and i were on the floor. i took care of the non-smoking area. everything went well. got to know doreen a little bit more. rini and i started teasing each other like hell. :] there was this nice guy who ate by himself. such a sweet smile with great manners. any mother would be so proud to have brought up such a gentleman into this world. :) i mean it, he's just a natural nice guy.
loads of girls seem to like the bad boy kind. i happen to like the mr nice guys. :) bring it on!
*
i met up with teo and we went out shopping for a bit. started work at 5am. raining cats and dogs. im gonna be working at esmi on thursday. god bless me - i hope everything will go well! im starting at 2.30pm! wttttf.
*
um. i cannot wait to wear the black dress on friday!!! it is so beautiful and so classy, i really think it looks so beautiful on me. it's perfect. so yeah, i cannot wait to just wear it to work. :)
*
that's about all that i have to say rght now. it's good to be happy for once.
April 15th, 2008
later i'm gonna meet up with teo to do some more shopping - boy, i don't think i'm gonna buy anything. no matter what it is, i won't succumb to temptation! and i am wondering what to wear later. fuck, i am meeting him in 25 minutes and i am far from ready. i just had my lunch.. and i am feeling so ultra lazy.
and drugs are never good for you. NEVER EVER. don't even try. not even i would want to have a dose of that. i know of someone close that does it - and my uncle used to be a drug addict - it destroys lives and it saddens me when they are so desperate for it.. it kills anyone who loves you to watch you suffer under its spell.
*
sigh. what's the world coming to?
and drugs are never good for you. NEVER EVER. don't even try. not even i would want to have a dose of that. i know of someone close that does it - and my uncle used to be a drug addict - it destroys lives and it saddens me when they are so desperate for it.. it kills anyone who loves you to watch you suffer under its spell.
*
sigh. what's the world coming to?
kay, enough of horrible, moody posts. i resolve to be +positive+
*
right now, i am so addicted to shopping for clothes! three days ago, i bought a nice, silver top from Mexx at $39. And today, I shopped at Robinson's and bought a fucking nice black mini dress, priced at $89. Am I retarded or what? i am so broke, but raffles city mall IS the preferred shopping haven for me. so many beautiful dresses, so little budget. I am really, clearly broke. -_- i haven't paid for my bills yet. i am so looking forward to friday when i get my pay.
i am actually collecting dresses and threadless.com tees right now. i'm a proud owner of 7 designs. if anyone is interested to buy a design and is not able to (cuz you don't have a card to use to purchase online), just tell me and pay me cash - then i'll just pass it on to you. easy peasy. like i said, i am done with spending money on cigs and drinks, so why not pamper myself with cool tees and dresses?
okay, that's all i have to say. im gonna start collecting tees and dresses! woo hoo.
*
right now, i am so addicted to shopping for clothes! three days ago, i bought a nice, silver top from Mexx at $39. And today, I shopped at Robinson's and bought a fucking nice black mini dress, priced at $89. Am I retarded or what? i am so broke, but raffles city mall IS the preferred shopping haven for me. so many beautiful dresses, so little budget. I am really, clearly broke. -_- i haven't paid for my bills yet. i am so looking forward to friday when i get my pay.
i am actually collecting dresses and threadless.com tees right now. i'm a proud owner of 7 designs. if anyone is interested to buy a design and is not able to (cuz you don't have a card to use to purchase online), just tell me and pay me cash - then i'll just pass it on to you. easy peasy. like i said, i am done with spending money on cigs and drinks, so why not pamper myself with cool tees and dresses?
okay, that's all i have to say. im gonna start collecting tees and dresses! woo hoo.
April 14th, 2008
that's the topic of the morning.
*
they don't really matter to me anymore. everyone is busy with their own things. there are days when i just feel like talking to them, and they are always busy with their shit. why do they have to sleep to early? I come home at 12 mn almost daily - why, why can't your eyes stay strong for longer? are you that fucking weak?
my pms is at its peak.
my april resolution is to not become closer to any of my classmates this semester because i plan to not hurt myself. being with others, they will surely make you feel good, like, oh YOU ARE SO FUCKING BELONGED - but at the end of the day, where are they? never there. i am sick of putting my life on hold for others, for FRIENDS who end up stabbing me in the back.
a big fuck you to 80% of my friends who don't matter anymore. fuck, i can't even remember most of their names. it's such a waste of time. i could be doing something else more productive than to accompany you to toilets, to this mall, to that shop - just because you're afraid of being alone. FUCK - i don't give a shit if you don't have a cock - you always give me the reason, THE REASON = I am a girl, I am scared! someone is out there to get me! FUCK THAT. who do you think you are? you're not a little girl anymore - learn to take care of yourself - and if you think all guys out there are WAITING to just jump on you and rape the shit out of your ass, then you're just delusional!
I AM NO LONGER GONNA TREAT YOU LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. when i'm the youngest amongst us all. I'm the 19 year old, you're the fucking 28 year old WOMAN. and no, nooooooobody is out to get you if you take the lift by yourself. it's 3am, and it stops right in front of your doorstep. take a deep breath and GO HOME BY YOURSELF. it's not that difficult - this is singapore - not some fucking bangkok backstreets.
and i am so angry right now. this is what happens when i entertain my thoughts too much.
*
I JUST VENT MY ANGER ON THIS TELEMARKETER. FUCK - I DO NOT WANT TO BUY YOUR PRODUCTS.
no, i didn't say that! I said politely that i wasn't interested. she insisted. i got annoyed. i said, "i am telling you that i am not paying a single dime on any of your products. so why DON'T YOU STOP WASTING MY TIME AND LEAVE OUR FAMILY ALONE? MY MOM NEEDS TO COOK. AND I, I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS USELESS CONVERSATION!" *click*
*
i hate telemarketers.
*
they don't really matter to me anymore. everyone is busy with their own things. there are days when i just feel like talking to them, and they are always busy with their shit. why do they have to sleep to early? I come home at 12 mn almost daily - why, why can't your eyes stay strong for longer? are you that fucking weak?
my pms is at its peak.
my april resolution is to not become closer to any of my classmates this semester because i plan to not hurt myself. being with others, they will surely make you feel good, like, oh YOU ARE SO FUCKING BELONGED - but at the end of the day, where are they? never there. i am sick of putting my life on hold for others, for FRIENDS who end up stabbing me in the back.
a big fuck you to 80% of my friends who don't matter anymore. fuck, i can't even remember most of their names. it's such a waste of time. i could be doing something else more productive than to accompany you to toilets, to this mall, to that shop - just because you're afraid of being alone. FUCK - i don't give a shit if you don't have a cock - you always give me the reason, THE REASON = I am a girl, I am scared! someone is out there to get me! FUCK THAT. who do you think you are? you're not a little girl anymore - learn to take care of yourself - and if you think all guys out there are WAITING to just jump on you and rape the shit out of your ass, then you're just delusional!
I AM NO LONGER GONNA TREAT YOU LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. when i'm the youngest amongst us all. I'm the 19 year old, you're the fucking 28 year old WOMAN. and no, nooooooobody is out to get you if you take the lift by yourself. it's 3am, and it stops right in front of your doorstep. take a deep breath and GO HOME BY YOURSELF. it's not that difficult - this is singapore - not some fucking bangkok backstreets.
and i am so angry right now. this is what happens when i entertain my thoughts too much.
*
I JUST VENT MY ANGER ON THIS TELEMARKETER. FUCK - I DO NOT WANT TO BUY YOUR PRODUCTS.
no, i didn't say that! I said politely that i wasn't interested. she insisted. i got annoyed. i said, "i am telling you that i am not paying a single dime on any of your products. so why DON'T YOU STOP WASTING MY TIME AND LEAVE OUR FAMILY ALONE? MY MOM NEEDS TO COOK. AND I, I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS USELESS CONVERSATION!" *click*
*
i hate telemarketers.
tartar sauce is the best sauce in the world. that being said - a big FUCK NO to mustard and mayonaise.
*
uhm. anyway, i forgot to write about something fucked up that happened previous night at LB (ok, the bar/club where i work). there was this guy from dublin and he was clearly drunk. he was, nevertheless, very flirty and i played along. showering me with compliments and sweet honeyed words, he could probably melt the heart of stone if you're not careful/or vulnerable to sweet-tongued men. but years of working in this line have left me jaded.
he said, "you look amazing, and even if i am sober, you are still so fucking gorgeous."
ha ha ha ha. i loved that guy. so completely drunk and yet so flirty. it helped that his accent was so fucking beautiful. he sang to me "hotel california" - and i was so tired and kept telling him to shut the fuck up. but his voice was great - but better suited for jazz music.
(and i dunno why - suddenly i thought of mike and how much i longed for his love. it has already been a year. i should get over him.. but god knows i loved that guy so fucking much - no one could ever take his place in my heart even when i'm fine all alone right now.)
and today when i went down to pass R his souvenir, a band member of the live band said that the irish guy was found sleeping outside the bar! oh god, how disastrous was that guy?! i laughed when he told me about that. and i thought of what could be going through his mind when he got up from sleep....
where am i? why am i sleeping on the floor? oh cindy, where are you - why.. why did you leave me.. for someone else.. oh fuck, i am getting late for a lunch appointment. fuck.
oh i can so imagine. okay, that cindy girl is totally fictitious. but who knows why he was drinking so heavily. maybe he was nursing his broken heart. maybe he was demoted. maybe he was having a bad day. whatever it is, alcohol is never the solution.. even though it lifts you up for a period of time. it makes me sad that he was in that state.
i saw him sitting by himself, nursing his pint of beer. he was quite a distance away but he looked so clearly down. so, so sad. and i thought of the line, "no man is an island" but he clearly was an isolated that night. not that i know him, but i know, i know that he is a jovial person when he is sober.. but maybe it was all a disguise. maybe he's really sad, lonely man inside.
just like how i am.
i can't help looking so zen-like and happy around people, but if you leave me by myself, you would discover that it was all probably a mask i wear to cover up my insecurities, my fears and my needs.
it is a lie if i tell you that i don't need anyone. i don't need anyone, really, but deep down inside.. i wish i could have someone to come home to. you know, someone to set the limits. someone who gives a shit about me. someone to tell me to STOP STOP STOP when i'm doing silly things to myself. someone who guides me when i need direction in life. i would love, love to have someone to love.
the sad thing is, i don't even care if he loves me or not.
because i'm realistic about love. love changes all the time. i'm not sure if a man could ever love me, and truly love me. i don't believe in the cheesy 'you are the only one' lines. mike used to tell me such things - and god, he really meant it - then. but yes, i loved him, and he loved me. along the way, we kinda lost the love. i got tired of his excuses and his lack of motivation to strive, and he got tired of loving me.
well. he was such a lovely man. till now, i still think of him when i feel lonely, and i know that he will think of me too. he was the first guy i truly loved and i was the first girl he ever loved. i don't think he has forgotten about me entirely... but maybe it is just my wishful thinking.
but i digress.
*
- i hope that irish guy would find his way out, whatever it is. my prayer goes out to him.
- i can't wait to have lunch with abby and her friend at this fancy restaurant in robertson quay. she won't tell me where it is, but she said it would be super fancy and it'd be her treat. lol, awesome!
so yeah, my life is quite complete right now.. but it would be so perfect if.. well, don't take it the wrong way - i am FUCKING enjoying my life right now.. what's to hate - i have awesome jobs with really cool colleagues (and jeff is one fucking AWESOME ops manager EVER.), i am blessed with good health, good family and amazingly great stamina to juggle everything at once...
and all of those...
sigh. even when i feel so complete, i know that i was at my happiest when i could trust someone with everything. that someone happens to be mike. and losing him... i can only forget how unhappy i really am when i can drink away my sadness, or sleep it off, or smoke as many cigarettes as i can as i collect all the memories we had and .. watch them disappear.
now that i am left with no distractions, it brings me to square one - oh god mike, it is so not easy to forget you, even as ordinary a guy you are... you are the most special person in my life.. and it hurts because i think you know that - and you LIKE that i need you so much. fuck. i hate thinking about you.
April 13th, 2008
fuck, STOP STRAIGHTENING YOUR HAIR. if you have wavy curly hair, flaunt them! why, why must you keep doing things that make you look so generic?! (okay, well, A LOT of asians in Singapore have straight hair, so i'm just saying, for the rest of us, STOP STOP mutating our hair type by making them look as though they are inferior! WAVY, CURLY HAIR is sexy!) IT ANNOYS ME. ANNOYING PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THE SAME THINGS.
- cut your hair, it's too thick
- straighten up your hair
GUESS WHAT - I AM NOT GONNA.
There. My hair in its full glory. I don't think it's ugly and I certainly don't think your straight hair is THAT FUCKING special either. i won't get off my high horse - because curly, wavy hair (natural ones at least) are the best kind of hair type and you KNOW IT. have fun with your poker straight hair and do it all mod-style and fucking mohawks - i certainly would appreciate it if you leave us wavyhaired people alone and STOP telling us to straighten our hair.
YOU ARE NOTHING AND NOBODY to tell me to do whatever to myself even if you are my friends. or family. or ANYBODY.
i certainly don't wish to hear anyone telling me do anything to my hair or else i'm gonna blow off steam and i mean it. and if you think i am being so sensitive about it well, then, screw you. maybe i should tell you how much longer your cock should be, and how small your breasts are - so get some plastic reconstruction done? NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT DO YOU?
fucking imbeciles.
- cut your hair, it's too thick
- straighten up your hair
GUESS WHAT - I AM NOT GONNA.
There. My hair in its full glory. I don't think it's ugly and I certainly don't think your straight hair is THAT FUCKING special either. i won't get off my high horse - because curly, wavy hair (natural ones at least) are the best kind of hair type and you KNOW IT. have fun with your poker straight hair and do it all mod-style and fucking mohawks - i certainly would appreciate it if you leave us wavyhaired people alone and STOP telling us to straighten our hair.
YOU ARE NOTHING AND NOBODY to tell me to do whatever to myself even if you are my friends. or family. or ANYBODY.
i certainly don't wish to hear anyone telling me do anything to my hair or else i'm gonna blow off steam and i mean it. and if you think i am being so sensitive about it well, then, screw you. maybe i should tell you how much longer your cock should be, and how small your breasts are - so get some plastic reconstruction done? NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT DO YOU?
fucking imbeciles.
it was quite a trying night. i worked at both places, and my feet are paying for it. they hurt like a bitch. nevertheless, it was a very self-fulfilling night. it is becoming my second nature already to just say, "hey hi, how are you doing?" and just make conversations with strangers. and i love that! years ago, i wouldn't think about doing this. this job is training me up to be more self-assured and it is so empowering.
i would say that i am a good flirt naturally, and this job allows me to do that. and I LOVE IT. i am allowed to mingle around with customers, flit to places and generally, try to win people's hearts so they would come into the bar. so far, i don't think i have made any terrible moves yet. and a regular party-goer, Terry was having a smoke outside and then he asked if he would be allowed to buy us a drink. and i said, "well, i would love to have some drinks since i am so thirsty! but you gotta ask jeff (my manager) if it's alright. i dont wanna lose my job, see."
and yes he was allowed to. he bought 3 of us drinks, P (bouncer) Jeff and I! AWESOME. i asked for a cape cod. =] a great way to start working. when people are slightly intoxicated to terribly drunk, they just seem to be more friendly. i dunno if that's good or not, but it works to my benefits because then i wouldn't have to handle assholes and fucked up bitches who treat me like shit. i just have to handle drunks and people invading my space at the door, dancing to the beat of "Hips Don't Lie" when they're in their 40s. They make me laugh. out. loud. and giggle.
*
A was being a douche to me again. 8 days of waitressing in a row! Next Sunday is my off day. God bless me. But then again, it's a good opportunity to build up my savings! I can handle being tired, but I cannot handle anything if i don't have money to earn. i'd rather be very tired than be broke. i don't like being thrifty. i should really invest in better shoes. my ankles are killing me. stilettos are FUCKING sexy and fuckable-looking but they can really, really wreck your body. but i still love it. i intend to search online for those shoes strippers wear - and just keep them at home for my own sake - i love sexy shoes!
Okay, i am starving right now. Need some body fuel. and by 5pm, I gotta make my way to work again. i am aware that once school starts, my life will totally take a huge change. I'm gonna have even lesser time to be around myself, let alone friends and family. but that's probably a good thing. some friends are just not worth having.
but i can't wait to meet abby later, still! we'll be having fun :D
April 12th, 2008
my big brother left the house around 12 noon to catch his flight to KL. since i was the first among us 5 family members to travel by plane (hurrah) and did it alone, my brother thought that he should seize the opportunity and go for it as well - but with a couple of his friends. i hope he'd fly back home safely and enjoy his trip! it would be a blast - no parental control and just pure freedom and exercising personal responsibility. :)
*
i should really plan my time carefully and organise it the best way i can. so that i won't end up harming my health (my sleepy eyes!) and hurting my feet. school is starting soon on 21 April and I will be handling two jobs at the same time (and i think i am smart enough to do all that. way to go, lala.)
assuming that i'll be working for 4 days at pizzeria, 2 nights at le baroque and school has started already, i'm gonna...
- wake up at 8am to get ready for school (eat breakfast)
- 9am till 4pm, school time. (lunch)
- 4pm till 5pm, travel time to work.
- 5pm till 6pm, eat dinner - or just don't eat at all. hell, i know how tight the schedule's gonna be.
- 6pm till 11pm, work
- 11pm till 12 mn, travel time to home
- 12 mn till 2am, eat a sandwich, do tutorial
*
it is so tough to resist guests buying me drinks. my damned managers don't let me - "you can't get drunk while you are working" - so very true. i had to keep telling them not to get me drinks. and for fucks' sakes, i hate whiskey dry. don't ever waste your money getting me those. but cape cod? YES PLEASE. i love cape cods (cranberry vodka) and lime juice with rum. and grasshoppers. get me those and i'd remember your face forever.
*
monday - pizzeria 6-11
tuesday - pizzeria 6-11 (or off if needed.)
wednesday - off
thursday - pizzeria 6-11
friday - off pizzeria, 11pm - 5am (bar)
saturday - pizzeria 6-11, 11-5am (bar)
sunday - pizzeria 6-11
now that seems like something planned. 32-37 hrs/week. I can so save $500 monthly - and I MUST. it was so tempting to smoke last night, so i rewarded myself a stick at 4am. one stick won't kill.
*
i think i am one of the very few people who has actually done nothing to the eyebrows. i couldn't do anything much at work other than observing people and talking to the guests, and i realise that as you get older, as a woman, you tend to do things to yourself that make you look peculiar and superficial. the smiles become steely and cold, the eyebrows - manicured, drawn on, shaved to very thin, wicked lines, nails decorated with sequins and some glittery shit nobody gives a shit about - all i can think of is, how comfortable is it to eat and clean your nails? nail polish is kinda fun but they disgust me more often than not.
you know what i think? i don't ever wanna pay for such ugly eyebrows because 1) i don't think i can carry that look. 2) it makes me look evil and wicked. 3) i am aware that i have a sweet face and those eyebrows would totally distort everything.
thank god that i don't have ugly natural brows. thank god.
*
i am quite sure that i am one of the few 'plus-sized' (in asia) door bitches. girls are indeed very thin in singapore. hell, some of them definitely need force-feeding. it's one thing to be naturally thin and dangerously and artificially skinny.
fiona (um, fiona lim yes), a friend of mine, she is naturally thin and she eats so much. i used to be so in awe. and then i realise, all of us are blessed with different genes, different shapes. we can probably alter our natural shape if we work hard against ourselves, but i just don't have the time and motivation to. i cannot bring myself to revert to my old self again. being perfectionist takes a lot of work and pretension. i was very unhappy but i had to pretend to be happy, as hungry and as starved as i was. tired muscles, working out for 4 hours a day, looking at recipe books when i was dying for nourishment. just to get to 45kg.
i am much heavier than 45kg now, but i feel so much better. and not until sec 3, i didn't know i was an hourglass. :] i pretty much like my body even though it is tough to admit it in public when EVERY GIRL says the same line over and over again, whether to gain attention or to demean others with bigger clothing size.
"Oh, I am so fat! I need to lose weight!" says a healthy looking girl.
FUCK, GET OUT.
i just roll my eyes, and pretend i don't hear a thing. i will not give them the attention they crave. fucking attention whores. for god's sakes, you are probably size UK 8 - that is thin, and I'm UK 12. And I feel fine, I am not overweight and then you say that i should lose some weight and then i will look gorgeous. GUESS WHAT - i am gorgeous already.
if you go to an all-girls school for 4 years of life, you will probably see the whole spectrum of female bitchiness. from the very subtle to the extreme. hell, even i indulge in some bitching session when i CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
i'm quite zen-like in person - but somehow, i can just express myself better in my livejournal. :] and i love it.
*
i have 3 hours to kill and i figure that it's better to just listen to music, write and surf the net. i reckon not many people would like to lead my lifestyle, but i totally love it. it's never boring to me. i hardly meet my friends up - lack of time - and besides, there are very few people in this world that i really like spending time with.
but tmr i'll be going out with amy, abby and her hubby, Chicken. so i am so looking forward to that. i love abby, even though she's 26, but we always have so much fun when we go out. :) i am uber excited about meeting her, w00t!
*
fuck. i just spent $100 in the past 3 days. on clothes and everything else i can't be bothered to trace.
i am so getting broke. I TOTALLY NEED TO WORK and earn money again.
*
I cannot wait to start work later at 6pm. so guests who are naturally awful - bring it on. i miss dealing with your crap. :D
*
i should really plan my time carefully and organise it the best way i can. so that i won't end up harming my health (my sleepy eyes!) and hurting my feet. school is starting soon on 21 April and I will be handling two jobs at the same time (and i think i am smart enough to do all that. way to go, lala.)
assuming that i'll be working for 4 days at pizzeria, 2 nights at le baroque and school has started already, i'm gonna...
- wake up at 8am to get ready for school (eat breakfast)
- 9am till 4pm, school time. (lunch)
- 4pm till 5pm, travel time to work.
- 5pm till 6pm, eat dinner - or just don't eat at all. hell, i know how tight the schedule's gonna be.
- 6pm till 11pm, work
- 11pm till 12 mn, travel time to home
- 12 mn till 2am, eat a sandwich, do tutorial
*
it is so tough to resist guests buying me drinks. my damned managers don't let me - "you can't get drunk while you are working" - so very true. i had to keep telling them not to get me drinks. and for fucks' sakes, i hate whiskey dry. don't ever waste your money getting me those. but cape cod? YES PLEASE. i love cape cods (cranberry vodka) and lime juice with rum. and grasshoppers. get me those and i'd remember your face forever.
*
monday - pizzeria 6-11
tuesday - pizzeria 6-11 (or off if needed.)
wednesday - off
thursday - pizzeria 6-11
friday - off pizzeria, 11pm - 5am (bar)
saturday - pizzeria 6-11, 11-5am (bar)
sunday - pizzeria 6-11
now that seems like something planned. 32-37 hrs/week. I can so save $500 monthly - and I MUST. it was so tempting to smoke last night, so i rewarded myself a stick at 4am. one stick won't kill.
*
i think i am one of the very few people who has actually done nothing to the eyebrows. i couldn't do anything much at work other than observing people and talking to the guests, and i realise that as you get older, as a woman, you tend to do things to yourself that make you look peculiar and superficial. the smiles become steely and cold, the eyebrows - manicured, drawn on, shaved to very thin, wicked lines, nails decorated with sequins and some glittery shit nobody gives a shit about - all i can think of is, how comfortable is it to eat and clean your nails? nail polish is kinda fun but they disgust me more often than not.
you know what i think? i don't ever wanna pay for such ugly eyebrows because 1) i don't think i can carry that look. 2) it makes me look evil and wicked. 3) i am aware that i have a sweet face and those eyebrows would totally distort everything.
thank god that i don't have ugly natural brows. thank god.
*
i am quite sure that i am one of the few 'plus-sized' (in asia) door bitches. girls are indeed very thin in singapore. hell, some of them definitely need force-feeding. it's one thing to be naturally thin and dangerously and artificially skinny.
fiona (um, fiona lim yes), a friend of mine, she is naturally thin and she eats so much. i used to be so in awe. and then i realise, all of us are blessed with different genes, different shapes. we can probably alter our natural shape if we work hard against ourselves, but i just don't have the time and motivation to. i cannot bring myself to revert to my old self again. being perfectionist takes a lot of work and pretension. i was very unhappy but i had to pretend to be happy, as hungry and as starved as i was. tired muscles, working out for 4 hours a day, looking at recipe books when i was dying for nourishment. just to get to 45kg.
i am much heavier than 45kg now, but i feel so much better. and not until sec 3, i didn't know i was an hourglass. :] i pretty much like my body even though it is tough to admit it in public when EVERY GIRL says the same line over and over again, whether to gain attention or to demean others with bigger clothing size.
"Oh, I am so fat! I need to lose weight!" says a healthy looking girl.
FUCK, GET OUT.
i just roll my eyes, and pretend i don't hear a thing. i will not give them the attention they crave. fucking attention whores. for god's sakes, you are probably size UK 8 - that is thin, and I'm UK 12. And I feel fine, I am not overweight and then you say that i should lose some weight and then i will look gorgeous. GUESS WHAT - i am gorgeous already.
if you go to an all-girls school for 4 years of life, you will probably see the whole spectrum of female bitchiness. from the very subtle to the extreme. hell, even i indulge in some bitching session when i CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
i'm quite zen-like in person - but somehow, i can just express myself better in my livejournal. :] and i love it.
*
i have 3 hours to kill and i figure that it's better to just listen to music, write and surf the net. i reckon not many people would like to lead my lifestyle, but i totally love it. it's never boring to me. i hardly meet my friends up - lack of time - and besides, there are very few people in this world that i really like spending time with.
but tmr i'll be going out with amy, abby and her hubby, Chicken. so i am so looking forward to that. i love abby, even though she's 26, but we always have so much fun when we go out. :) i am uber excited about meeting her, w00t!
*
fuck. i just spent $100 in the past 3 days. on clothes and everything else i can't be bothered to trace.
i am so getting broke. I TOTALLY NEED TO WORK and earn money again.
*
I cannot wait to start work later at 6pm. so guests who are naturally awful - bring it on. i miss dealing with your crap. :D
oh hi. never in my life have i thought that this could happen to me - it's great! i have always dreamt of wearing nice clothes and just talk to people and earn money that way. and the door bitch job is THE job! :D i can wear my own clothes and I just need to pull customers in. easy peasy. and i dun have to lift my fingers to do dirty stuff.
lol. yes. in case you didn't read the entries from about a month ago, i have taken up a second part time job (for friday nights and sat nights) as a door bitch @ le baroque. from 11pm till 5am. Nice. -__- but my first day was very encouraging and the GM was happy with my performance. :)
if not for the sleepy eyes, i would've really enjoyed working just now! i just came back from work and zomg, i just can't wait to be more familiar with the things! tmr i'll be working at pizzeria back and yeah, as usual, im gonna be working at le baroque at 11pm.
Gah, i am so tired now. later.
lol. yes. in case you didn't read the entries from about a month ago, i have taken up a second part time job (for friday nights and sat nights) as a door bitch @ le baroque. from 11pm till 5am. Nice. -__- but my first day was very encouraging and the GM was happy with my performance. :)
if not for the sleepy eyes, i would've really enjoyed working just now! i just came back from work and zomg, i just can't wait to be more familiar with the things! tmr i'll be working at pizzeria back and yeah, as usual, im gonna be working at le baroque at 11pm.
Gah, i am so tired now. later.
April 10th, 2008
i have had enough of your shit. i won't give in, and i don't want to be like how i used to be. because of you, i have lost so many things in life and time... I cannot get them back. thank you for keeping me sane and driving me crazy at the same time.
I am fighting back.
i am not gonna hurt myself anymore because you think i don't deserve to be treated well. you have put me through years and years of pain, insecurity and shame. i am sick of behaving in a weird, sick and shameful way. i am done with this. i am done with you.
i am sick of having relapses. i am tired of continuing this journey. i don't care if i am going to be a whale. i am tired of eating and having to go to the ladies immediately because you make me feel horrible. you are destroying me. i am tired of listening to your little voice taunting me, urging me to throw up everything that i eat.
i need nourishment. you don't give a damn about me. all you care about is what others might think of me. you know what? fuck everyone else! they do not matter when it comes to my health and my life! so stop, stop it. stop messing with my head.
i don't wanna hurt myself anymore. i am fighting back, with every bits of hope and determination i can muster right now. you don't know how tough it is to keep the food down. no, i am not throwing up. i am not throwing up. i feel so .. satisfied and adequately full from dinner. it's been such a long time since i last felt this way and felt okay about it.
i am sick of starving myself to conform to society's whims and wishes. so what if i am not size 0? i am still a good, lovable person. i am not a bad person. you keep telling me that just because i'm not skinny. SHUT UP. guess what, i used to weigh 45 kg and i was MISERABLE, STARVING and sickly as hell and you thought it was GOOD for me? i was working out for 4 hrs a day, swimming and jogging and dancing in my room because i was afraid of getting fat and WHAT FOR? TELL ME, WHAT FOR? Just because you motherfuckers think that having a NORMAL weight is too much?!
FUCK, I have had enough of your fucked up ideals.
I am a size UK 12, US 8 and AUS 10 and I am not fat. I am healthy, I have awesome friends and a great life and I DON'T WANT BULIMIA TO CONTROL MY LIFE. I am 5'7", 130lbs and I AM PERFECTLY HEALTHY. I eat as healthy as I can, I take care of my body and fitness and I refuse to let anything else control my life anymore.
I can't stand living in a place where a lot of people are so prejudiced against non-stick thin people.
*
Hopefully when I start working for real, I'd keep travelling so often that I'd forget about Singapore. This country is starting to piss me off.
*
I refuse to buy magazines. (other than Frankie) they're all lies and bull.
I refuse to buy cigarettes, ever.
I refuse to have more than 2 drinks in a night.
*
Each time I feel like buying cigs/alcohol, I'm gonna fine myself $10 and it will go to the 'travel fund'.
*
Current wishlist -
1. Book - Microtrends ($27)
2. Digital Camera - Need to do some research first.
3. A decent bag ($30-$50)
*
I can so collect my pay tomorrow. And start working at le baroque. Fuck, I never tried being a door hostess before. I am both excited and nervous about it.
I am fighting back.
i am not gonna hurt myself anymore because you think i don't deserve to be treated well. you have put me through years and years of pain, insecurity and shame. i am sick of behaving in a weird, sick and shameful way. i am done with this. i am done with you.
i am sick of having relapses. i am tired of continuing this journey. i don't care if i am going to be a whale. i am tired of eating and having to go to the ladies immediately because you make me feel horrible. you are destroying me. i am tired of listening to your little voice taunting me, urging me to throw up everything that i eat.
i need nourishment. you don't give a damn about me. all you care about is what others might think of me. you know what? fuck everyone else! they do not matter when it comes to my health and my life! so stop, stop it. stop messing with my head.
i don't wanna hurt myself anymore. i am fighting back, with every bits of hope and determination i can muster right now. you don't know how tough it is to keep the food down. no, i am not throwing up. i am not throwing up. i feel so .. satisfied and adequately full from dinner. it's been such a long time since i last felt this way and felt okay about it.
i am sick of starving myself to conform to society's whims and wishes. so what if i am not size 0? i am still a good, lovable person. i am not a bad person. you keep telling me that just because i'm not skinny. SHUT UP. guess what, i used to weigh 45 kg and i was MISERABLE, STARVING and sickly as hell and you thought it was GOOD for me? i was working out for 4 hrs a day, swimming and jogging and dancing in my room because i was afraid of getting fat and WHAT FOR? TELL ME, WHAT FOR? Just because you motherfuckers think that having a NORMAL weight is too much?!
FUCK, I have had enough of your fucked up ideals.
I am a size UK 12, US 8 and AUS 10 and I am not fat. I am healthy, I have awesome friends and a great life and I DON'T WANT BULIMIA TO CONTROL MY LIFE. I am 5'7", 130lbs and I AM PERFECTLY HEALTHY. I eat as healthy as I can, I take care of my body and fitness and I refuse to let anything else control my life anymore.
I can't stand living in a place where a lot of people are so prejudiced against non-stick thin people.
*
Hopefully when I start working for real, I'd keep travelling so often that I'd forget about Singapore. This country is starting to piss me off.
*
I refuse to buy magazines. (other than Frankie) they're all lies and bull.
I refuse to buy cigarettes, ever.
I refuse to have more than 2 drinks in a night.
*
Each time I feel like buying cigs/alcohol, I'm gonna fine myself $10 and it will go to the 'travel fund'.
*
Current wishlist -
1. Book - Microtrends ($27)
2. Digital Camera - Need to do some research first.
3. A decent bag ($30-$50)
*
I can so collect my pay tomorrow. And start working at le baroque. Fuck, I never tried being a door hostess before. I am both excited and nervous about it.
April 9th, 2008
what the fuck. i just spend about 8 hrs cleaning my room. i have probably disposed 10 huge black bags of stuff. and i found money. yeah. money. like RM 10, countless of coins that are probably worth $20-$30. i found old coins kept by my grandmother.. in a plastic bag. i'm gonna keep em.
i am so fucking proud of myself for doing this. :D now my room looks like a room instead of a pig sty. my mom seems so impressed. and i am fucking hungry. and i think im gonna get an ebay account.
i have so many things to sell off.
- 2 abacus
- loads of still-new textbooks
- hair dryer (i dont use hair dryer, ever)
- some other stuff that work fine
- tons of books
- old comics
yah. i am not done with cleaning my room yet. still so much things to do like throwing away my old clothes (and i mean old. like 5 years back? i dont wear them anymore!) and all the junk underneathe my bed.
and i need to write some letters.
i am so fucking proud of myself for doing this. :D now my room looks like a room instead of a pig sty. my mom seems so impressed. and i am fucking hungry. and i think im gonna get an ebay account.
i have so many things to sell off.
- 2 abacus
- loads of still-new textbooks
- hair dryer (i dont use hair dryer, ever)
- some other stuff that work fine
- tons of books
- old comics
yah. i am not done with cleaning my room yet. still so much things to do like throwing away my old clothes (and i mean old. like 5 years back? i dont wear them anymore!) and all the junk underneathe my bed.
and i need to write some letters.
ah, warmth. i dun even need to put on socks or mittens! :) and i am starting to miss emily. i am thankful to god that i have such a special friend. we only met once before i packed my bags to go to australia, and she was the prime reason why i decided to go anyway... and it had been such a blast. we didn't have any awkward silences and we hit off so perfectly. our friendship transcends distance and differences.
our friendship is something that i am incredibly proud of.
i have many things in life to be proud of, but being on my own (sorta) for 12 days have really taught me some very important lessons. i have made some careful observations while i was there... and here are some things i just have to say and get them off my chest.
1. home is where the heart is - incredibly true. i found myself missing singapore after spending 3 days in melbourne. 2. aussies are such relaxed, friendly and warm people. they just seem to have passion in whatever they do, and they never let stress get into their heads... at least from my observation. 3. they do whatever they wanna do - yes. 4. ... and their family are always by their side, supporting them every step of the way.
i am telling you, martin's parents and emily's parents both have a thing in common - they are always focussing on the good side of their children instead of the bad. they always see the goodness in them. i am not saying that my parents are awful. in fact, my parents are awesome parents. but i think if they see things the way i see it, my dad and mom could probably be more encouraging and understanding instead of judging me and making fun of me each time i try to be better.
they can be more encouraging when i do things that not anyone at my age would do, such as working my ass off. it is for me, and they should be encouraging me, not nagging at me to quit my job. like as if they can support my expenditure. they can praise me when i do something good, instead of being sarcastic and say, (in malay) "wow, you didn't screw up!" like as if i were a perpetual failure.
reverse psychology works, but now is not the time. i need all the energy i have, time and passion to work my ass off again, build up my savings account, and with god's will, i will travel to canada next year during spring time. i probably need around $4000+ and i plan to go for 3 weeks. (and yes, i'll be staying at someone's house - chris - cuz face it, accommodation is one thing that will KILL your budget, not anything else.)
that is my next major goal. i plan to travel to a new country every single year of my life from now on.
willy and i are planning to go to bangkok, thailand this june for 5 days. we'll see how it goes! that should set me back for $500. which can be easily earned and saved in a month.
Oh boy, i am gonna cut down on my leisure activities, and concentrate on earning at least $1K a month, and save $500 monthly. And since i have stopped smoking and drinking so much, this should be so fucking easy cuz those two used to be my kryptonite. not anymoreeeeee. yeah, i have learnt my lesson after experiencing the worst hangover of MY LIFE, the first night i have in melbourne, lol.
I still drink, but I don't think I'm gonna smoke anymore. and i dun ever wanna get tipsy again cuz it just sucked, feeling so sick the next morning -_-. not to mention, i exposed dirty details of myself when i got drunk that night. oh fuck, sweet memories.
i'm gonna post some memorable pics i took in melbourne and in toowoomba/brisbane/gold coast in my next post. :)
our friendship is something that i am incredibly proud of.
i have many things in life to be proud of, but being on my own (sorta) for 12 days have really taught me some very important lessons. i have made some careful observations while i was there... and here are some things i just have to say and get them off my chest.
1. home is where the heart is - incredibly true. i found myself missing singapore after spending 3 days in melbourne. 2. aussies are such relaxed, friendly and warm people. they just seem to have passion in whatever they do, and they never let stress get into their heads... at least from my observation. 3. they do whatever they wanna do - yes. 4. ... and their family are always by their side, supporting them every step of the way.
i am telling you, martin's parents and emily's parents both have a thing in common - they are always focussing on the good side of their children instead of the bad. they always see the goodness in them. i am not saying that my parents are awful. in fact, my parents are awesome parents. but i think if they see things the way i see it, my dad and mom could probably be more encouraging and understanding instead of judging me and making fun of me each time i try to be better.
they can be more encouraging when i do things that not anyone at my age would do, such as working my ass off. it is for me, and they should be encouraging me, not nagging at me to quit my job. like as if they can support my expenditure. they can praise me when i do something good, instead of being sarcastic and say, (in malay) "wow, you didn't screw up!" like as if i were a perpetual failure.
reverse psychology works, but now is not the time. i need all the energy i have, time and passion to work my ass off again, build up my savings account, and with god's will, i will travel to canada next year during spring time. i probably need around $4000+ and i plan to go for 3 weeks. (and yes, i'll be staying at someone's house - chris - cuz face it, accommodation is one thing that will KILL your budget, not anything else.)
that is my next major goal. i plan to travel to a new country every single year of my life from now on.
willy and i are planning to go to bangkok, thailand this june for 5 days. we'll see how it goes! that should set me back for $500. which can be easily earned and saved in a month.
Oh boy, i am gonna cut down on my leisure activities, and concentrate on earning at least $1K a month, and save $500 monthly. And since i have stopped smoking and drinking so much, this should be so fucking easy cuz those two used to be my kryptonite. not anymoreeeeee. yeah, i have learnt my lesson after experiencing the worst hangover of MY LIFE, the first night i have in melbourne, lol.
I still drink, but I don't think I'm gonna smoke anymore. and i dun ever wanna get tipsy again cuz it just sucked, feeling so sick the next morning -_-. not to mention, i exposed dirty details of myself when i got drunk that night. oh fuck, sweet memories.
i'm gonna post some memorable pics i took in melbourne and in toowoomba/brisbane/gold coast in my next post. :)
- gotta clean up my room
- write whatever that needs to be out of my chest (!) a lot of stuff need to get out.
- buy cereal
- print my photos in a shop
- buy thumb tacks
- revamp my room
- write about mundane stuff like how it feels like to not smoke (regularly) for 2 weeks.
- yeah, i had a stick last night cuz someone offered me, but I dun have any cigs now and dun plan to start.
- make potato salad (or try to.)
*
i weighed myself and lol, i lost 2kg from my vacation. Isn't that awesome? I am so totally backpacking next year when I am done with poly and other clutters in my life. if i go off for like 5 or 6 weeks, I bet i'll probably lose 5kg lol. it's so weird.
yeah. i'm gonna eat something now.
- write whatever that needs to be out of my chest (!) a lot of stuff need to get out.
- buy cereal
- print my photos in a shop
- buy thumb tacks
- revamp my room
- write about mundane stuff like how it feels like to not smoke (regularly) for 2 weeks.
- yeah, i had a stick last night cuz someone offered me, but I dun have any cigs now and dun plan to start.
- make potato salad (or try to.)
*
i weighed myself and lol, i lost 2kg from my vacation. Isn't that awesome? I am so totally backpacking next year when I am done with poly and other clutters in my life. if i go off for like 5 or 6 weeks, I bet i'll probably lose 5kg lol. it's so weird.
yeah. i'm gonna eat something now.
April 7th, 2008
okay so its 6.17pm here in toowoomba (i will write more about my adventures and misadventures when i get back to my home, and my laptop) and in here, everything closes around 5pm. so at 6.17pm, it is more like 12 midnight in singapore. i feel really lazy when i'm here. i slept for so long. i woke up at 9am, bathed, ate breakfast (lol, maggi noodles - baked! they have 'baked not fried' alternative! lol, there are so many healthy options here.
geez, and i am hungry for dinner. YES, DINNER. AT 6.19pm. Fuck if I eat my breakfast in Singapore..? I only start having a 'meal' around 3-4pm when I wake up from sleep. So this is a huge change. I haven't been drinking, I haven't been smoking (yes... yes to everyone who knows that i smoke - i haven't smoked for close to 2 weeks. and it hurts, inside. i find myself really craving for it.) and i have been such an exceptional person.
tomorrow we're gonna have to leave at 8am, and i will probably get to the brisbane airport around 11am. the flight's at 1.55pm (brisbane time) and i will reach home at 8pm. YAY. fucking hell, i miss home. i need to train myself up. i just can't miss home just after 12 days? ppffft. i think i just miss my freedom, the spicy food, the fries my mom cooks for me every morning and her nagging.
well, if i have one or two friends with me, it will be so much fun! they have beach parties going on in surfer's paradise. D:
fuck i gtg dinner.
geez, and i am hungry for dinner. YES, DINNER. AT 6.19pm. Fuck if I eat my breakfast in Singapore..? I only start having a 'meal' around 3-4pm when I wake up from sleep. So this is a huge change. I haven't been drinking, I haven't been smoking (yes... yes to everyone who knows that i smoke - i haven't smoked for close to 2 weeks. and it hurts, inside. i find myself really craving for it.) and i have been such an exceptional person.
tomorrow we're gonna have to leave at 8am, and i will probably get to the brisbane airport around 11am. the flight's at 1.55pm (brisbane time) and i will reach home at 8pm. YAY. fucking hell, i miss home. i need to train myself up. i just can't miss home just after 12 days? ppffft. i think i just miss my freedom, the spicy food, the fries my mom cooks for me every morning and her nagging.
well, if i have one or two friends with me, it will be so much fun! they have beach parties going on in surfer's paradise. D:
fuck i gtg dinner.
April 2nd, 2008
so now it's 2.45am in melbourne and i am not hungry anymore. i ate quite a lot today, and this would be one of the weirdest things i'd say in this journal - YAY I ATE QUITE A LOT TODAY. i wouldn't have kept those food down if i were in s'pore. i would have probably hated myself. but anyways. here we go.
i woke up at 10am and showered. and yeah, martin was still sleeping. but around 11.45am, he woke up, and we went out of the house around noon. he drove me to a massive shopping mall called chadstone shopping mall. basically, a dream come true for girls with endless budget and fat bank accounts.
in australia, david jones and myers are like seiyu, isetan and bmg in singapore. all are huge departmental stores. so yeah, martin and i spent 4 hrs walking around chaddy. that's what they call it in australia. mcdonald's becomes maccas. so yeah, any names that can be shortened will be shortened.
the first thing i remembered doing was watching a demonstration held in a candie shop called Suga. basically, they show you how they make lollies and sweets out of a huge lump of sugar. colorful sugar doughs. both of us were so into it, we watched them do it twice. the first one was a passionfruit flavor. they gave out free samples. :) yum yum. i eventually yielded to temptation and got myself a jar of candies for $7.00. Yeah, that'd be around $10 SGD but hey, they really taste so good, we ate it throughout the 4hrs we were there.
as i was really getting hungry, we went to food court. i had a cup of fries for $2.60. Wasn't good but it worked! The sandwiches and chicken wraps they have here are massive. You're getting value for money, but i wish i could get like, 1/3 of them for lesser money. They cost like $8 each and rightfully so, cuz they're huge. it's good for breakfast and lunch, I should think!
and then we walked around again to get into The Reject Store. it is where you can find stuff that is cheap. really bad quality stuff for minimal prices. we had fun looking at stuff they sell. like magic pens. and 100 gel pens for 20 bucks. martin was so tempted to buy those. i know i was, but i didn't wanna go home with stationery. im not here to buy stationery, am i? i don't have any use for them. but they were so tempting, i tell ya. and then we walked around and find funny aromatherapy oils such as 'chocolate', 'bubblegum' and 'coffee'; and they all smelled grossly artificial. we made eww sounds in unison.
we stumbled upon a shop that sells cheap chocolates again. martin got himself a Daim chocolae bar which was so good. basically, it was caramel and honeycomb choc bar. i bought myself a single Jack Daniel's choc bottle for a dollar. That thing will cost $20 for 12 pieces in singapore (in cocoa tree), but i only want a taste of one, so it's all good! they sell lindt chocs, 2 big bars for AUD $5. That is uber cheap. It will cost $8 each in singapore. I was so tempted to buy those but hey, I had bought so much chocolates in the factory already! so no more chocolate shopping for me. :)
(and i am happy to say that i have stopped smoking and drinking effectively from 3 days back. I haven't had a single stick of cig today, nor a single drop of alcohol...er.. wait.)
After walking around so much, we stumbled upon this shop called Le Vin and they sell loads of liquors. fancy ones with edible gold chips! they also sell absinthe. $20 for 100ml of it. With the bottle, it will cost AUD$30 just for about 2.5 shots of it. that is like $40 SGD. I was so tempted to get it. but that's really expensive. I had a sample of it and the thing just evaporates from your mouth. and even from the sample, i could feel the effect of that strong greenish liquid. it's, after all, 70% alcohol. it's from czech republic and it'd be illegal to bring back to sg, but they could just package it as 'melon', the guy said. ;p but i didn't get it. :( i tried musk liqueur too, and it tasted like alcoholic perfume. woah. martin said that he would one day get the bottle of champagne with gold flakes ($130!) in it for his dad. i think he just might get it. it looked totally fancy! the next time i get here, i would so, so buy a big bottle of absinthe to place in my room.
and the first thing i'm gonna do once i'm home, is to clean up my room and really get rid of all the junk i have. i have actually quitted smoking. and reduced my drinking to its lowest level, ever since the start of this year. :) i'm gonna make my room totally visitor-ready cuz i asked martin to come to singapore once he earns enough, and he says he will one day. yeah. and i'm gonna totally take care of myself better when i get back to singapore because my life was really, incredibly toxic.
being on my own in melbourne really taught me something about independence. i was such a lazy ass and such an owl. i feel so much better getting proper meals and enough rest. my body seems to respond well to regular meal times as well. and hey, i feel okay without cigarettes, it seems. maybe it's just the cold weather! and maybe because i am not bored here - i always have things to do outside and not much of stress. (i dunno what im gonna do with 7 more packs of cigarettes..)
*
After walking around so much, and getting myself a lip balm from a drug store (YAY, my lips were so dry.) i told martin that i couldn't take it anymore. i told him that i wanted to try the chips from Wishbone Chicken shop, where he says, "you can find the best roasted chicken and chips EVOR." a big pack of it for just $3! so much better tasting than the ones i got in chaddy. it was good and both of us helped each other to finish it up. it was really huge, like the size of a small popcorn tub here. woo hoo, that would be our late lunch at 4pm.
and then we watched "Supersize me" at the basement again from 5.30pm till 7pm. It's so That 70's show when the group of friends hang out in a circle. haha. What i realise about martin is that he likes to watch movies. he has tons of movies at home and his friends would come over to his place to just slack and watch movies together. this would be the third movie i watched with martin. movie tix goes for $14 per pax. That is fucking expensive. a CD will cost $29. So yeah, I dont indulge in those stuff here, no fucking way. but those things are relatively cheaper to them cuz they earn $14 bucks per hour. *shrug* I earn $7/hr in singapore as a part timer and that is considered to be very good compared to most part timer jobs that only pay $5 per hour!
we can get proper meal at $3 but they need at least $10 for the same thing, so yeah, it all works out to be the same in the end. All in all, I spent about AUD $20 today. lol. fries, more fries at wishbone, a jar of candies, a jack daniel's choc and a lip balm. way to go with budgeting!
*
I had loads of food yea? Fries. Fries. Candies. 3 almond chocs. 4 thin strips of lamb. loads of veggies (parsnips and sweet potatoes and potatoes), grape juice, a plum, an ice cream drumstick and half a cappucino. that is a lot of food. compared to days back. i have drunk loads of water as well. i reckon i must've had over 1,000 calories compared to probably 500 calories days back? yeah.i'm gonna cut down on food tomorrow (later). Yeah. But Roasted Lamb with veggies was martin's fave dinner and i was so happy to eat it. it tasted SO GOOD. His mom was an awesome cook! i had about 2 liters of water today. a lot of water.
*
after dinner, martin and i used the same comp and show each other funny sites and good sites to spend hours on. i introduced martin to 'will it blend' and he introed me to "a softer world. com". we watched funny vids and laughed till 1am. it was a good time spent. :) im so grateful to have him while i'm here. sigh.
*
tmr's (today's) itinerary is basically going to VicGoth where they sell gothic gears and make ups. and we're gonna take neoprints somewhere in the city. and i'm gonna get a gift for martin's family before i leave. tmr will be the last day in melbourne and i shall miss his brother room that i've been using so badly! it is so well organised and clean and the family has been such great hosts.
i shall get them either something for dessert or like a bottle of good wine. maybe something around $50-$70. I have to pay like $1000 if I were to stay in a hotel for 5 days so yeah, they had been TOTALLY ... um, beyond heaven-sent. I have to get them something, really.
*
and i took a video of martin makin a cappucino for me. his capp was awesome.
*
and yeah, he has an expensive camera that costs $1,500 and I am so inspired to get one of that cuz it really takes such good photographs. i'm really gonna save up. AND THAT IS ABOUT IT. IT'S GONNA BE 5AM. And i should be sleeping. lol.
later.
i woke up at 10am and showered. and yeah, martin was still sleeping. but around 11.45am, he woke up, and we went out of the house around noon. he drove me to a massive shopping mall called chadstone shopping mall. basically, a dream come true for girls with endless budget and fat bank accounts.
in australia, david jones and myers are like seiyu, isetan and bmg in singapore. all are huge departmental stores. so yeah, martin and i spent 4 hrs walking around chaddy. that's what they call it in australia. mcdonald's becomes maccas. so yeah, any names that can be shortened will be shortened. the first thing i remembered doing was watching a demonstration held in a candie shop called Suga. basically, they show you how they make lollies and sweets out of a huge lump of sugar. colorful sugar doughs. both of us were so into it, we watched them do it twice. the first one was a passionfruit flavor. they gave out free samples. :) yum yum. i eventually yielded to temptation and got myself a jar of candies for $7.00. Yeah, that'd be around $10 SGD but hey, they really taste so good, we ate it throughout the 4hrs we were there.
as i was really getting hungry, we went to food court. i had a cup of fries for $2.60. Wasn't good but it worked! The sandwiches and chicken wraps they have here are massive. You're getting value for money, but i wish i could get like, 1/3 of them for lesser money. They cost like $8 each and rightfully so, cuz they're huge. it's good for breakfast and lunch, I should think!
and then we walked around again to get into The Reject Store. it is where you can find stuff that is cheap. really bad quality stuff for minimal prices. we had fun looking at stuff they sell. like magic pens. and 100 gel pens for 20 bucks. martin was so tempted to buy those. i know i was, but i didn't wanna go home with stationery. im not here to buy stationery, am i? i don't have any use for them. but they were so tempting, i tell ya. and then we walked around and find funny aromatherapy oils such as 'chocolate', 'bubblegum' and 'coffee'; and they all smelled grossly artificial. we made eww sounds in unison.
we stumbled upon a shop that sells cheap chocolates again. martin got himself a Daim chocolae bar which was so good. basically, it was caramel and honeycomb choc bar. i bought myself a single Jack Daniel's choc bottle for a dollar. That thing will cost $20 for 12 pieces in singapore (in cocoa tree), but i only want a taste of one, so it's all good! they sell lindt chocs, 2 big bars for AUD $5. That is uber cheap. It will cost $8 each in singapore. I was so tempted to buy those but hey, I had bought so much chocolates in the factory already! so no more chocolate shopping for me. :)
(and i am happy to say that i have stopped smoking and drinking effectively from 3 days back. I haven't had a single stick of cig today, nor a single drop of alcohol...er.. wait.)
After walking around so much, we stumbled upon this shop called Le Vin and they sell loads of liquors. fancy ones with edible gold chips! they also sell absinthe. $20 for 100ml of it. With the bottle, it will cost AUD$30 just for about 2.5 shots of it. that is like $40 SGD. I was so tempted to get it. but that's really expensive. I had a sample of it and the thing just evaporates from your mouth. and even from the sample, i could feel the effect of that strong greenish liquid. it's, after all, 70% alcohol. it's from czech republic and it'd be illegal to bring back to sg, but they could just package it as 'melon', the guy said. ;p but i didn't get it. :( i tried musk liqueur too, and it tasted like alcoholic perfume. woah. martin said that he would one day get the bottle of champagne with gold flakes ($130!) in it for his dad. i think he just might get it. it looked totally fancy! the next time i get here, i would so, so buy a big bottle of absinthe to place in my room.
and the first thing i'm gonna do once i'm home, is to clean up my room and really get rid of all the junk i have. i have actually quitted smoking. and reduced my drinking to its lowest level, ever since the start of this year. :) i'm gonna make my room totally visitor-ready cuz i asked martin to come to singapore once he earns enough, and he says he will one day. yeah. and i'm gonna totally take care of myself better when i get back to singapore because my life was really, incredibly toxic.
being on my own in melbourne really taught me something about independence. i was such a lazy ass and such an owl. i feel so much better getting proper meals and enough rest. my body seems to respond well to regular meal times as well. and hey, i feel okay without cigarettes, it seems. maybe it's just the cold weather! and maybe because i am not bored here - i always have things to do outside and not much of stress. (i dunno what im gonna do with 7 more packs of cigarettes..)
*
After walking around so much, and getting myself a lip balm from a drug store (YAY, my lips were so dry.) i told martin that i couldn't take it anymore. i told him that i wanted to try the chips from Wishbone Chicken shop, where he says, "you can find the best roasted chicken and chips EVOR." a big pack of it for just $3! so much better tasting than the ones i got in chaddy. it was good and both of us helped each other to finish it up. it was really huge, like the size of a small popcorn tub here. woo hoo, that would be our late lunch at 4pm.
and then we watched "Supersize me" at the basement again from 5.30pm till 7pm. It's so That 70's show when the group of friends hang out in a circle. haha. What i realise about martin is that he likes to watch movies. he has tons of movies at home and his friends would come over to his place to just slack and watch movies together. this would be the third movie i watched with martin. movie tix goes for $14 per pax. That is fucking expensive. a CD will cost $29. So yeah, I dont indulge in those stuff here, no fucking way. but those things are relatively cheaper to them cuz they earn $14 bucks per hour. *shrug* I earn $7/hr in singapore as a part timer and that is considered to be very good compared to most part timer jobs that only pay $5 per hour!
we can get proper meal at $3 but they need at least $10 for the same thing, so yeah, it all works out to be the same in the end. All in all, I spent about AUD $20 today. lol. fries, more fries at wishbone, a jar of candies, a jack daniel's choc and a lip balm. way to go with budgeting!
*
I had loads of food yea? Fries. Fries. Candies. 3 almond chocs. 4 thin strips of lamb. loads of veggies (parsnips and sweet potatoes and potatoes), grape juice, a plum, an ice cream drumstick and half a cappucino. that is a lot of food. compared to days back. i have drunk loads of water as well. i reckon i must've had over 1,000 calories compared to probably 500 calories days back? yeah.i'm gonna cut down on food tomorrow (later). Yeah. But Roasted Lamb with veggies was martin's fave dinner and i was so happy to eat it. it tasted SO GOOD. His mom was an awesome cook! i had about 2 liters of water today. a lot of water.
*
after dinner, martin and i used the same comp and show each other funny sites and good sites to spend hours on. i introduced martin to 'will it blend' and he introed me to "a softer world. com". we watched funny vids and laughed till 1am. it was a good time spent. :) im so grateful to have him while i'm here. sigh.
*
tmr's (today's) itinerary is basically going to VicGoth where they sell gothic gears and make ups. and we're gonna take neoprints somewhere in the city. and i'm gonna get a gift for martin's family before i leave. tmr will be the last day in melbourne and i shall miss his brother room that i've been using so badly! it is so well organised and clean and the family has been such great hosts.
i shall get them either something for dessert or like a bottle of good wine. maybe something around $50-$70. I have to pay like $1000 if I were to stay in a hotel for 5 days so yeah, they had been TOTALLY ... um, beyond heaven-sent. I have to get them something, really.
*
and i took a video of martin makin a cappucino for me. his capp was awesome.
*
and yeah, he has an expensive camera that costs $1,500 and I am so inspired to get one of that cuz it really takes such good photographs. i'm really gonna save up. AND THAT IS ABOUT IT. IT'S GONNA BE 5AM. And i should be sleeping. lol.
later.